life has changed

i haven't been on here in forever

...... sunsheyeballs.tumblr.com

i can't explain my life any better than how i have on there




.....oh man

Oh how the world has changed.

Things that have happened (and I'm sure you don't care)

-I rolled, hard.
-I smoked my dad's friend's weed/meth that we found
-Ian thinks I'm fucking up and he yells at me for everything. He hates that I do drugs.
-Larry has made the assumption that I'm an addict to everything I do.
-I'm lame.

"You must learn all of this if you want to be a functioning member of society". Who said I wanted to be a functioning member of scoiety? Maybe I want to be an outcast, not one of those clones that schools dish out. Not a doctor, nor a teacher or an other monotonous job where everyone blends in. They don't make a difference. They eat, sleep and work. Yeah, fucking exciting lives. I don't want to settle down and start a family and live paycheck to paycheck, having the company's Christmas party being the highlight of my year. No, fuck that. I want to fucking live. And here we have the teachers and the government and the police ordering us around like we're packmules. We don't matter to them.

We are bound by laws and rules and expectations. America is no land of the free, it's the land of hypocrisy, corruption, greed, and liars. And, since apparently turning the adolescence of the nation into greedy little partiotic war pigs, we must go after other countries, and take them over in the name of democracy. And that gets both us and them into deep shit.

And the constitution? Well fuck that too! We have made so many changes to that piece of rubbish that it's unrecognizable. And because noone wants to be called a hypocrite, so we have to make it illegal to possess marijuana, or marry within your sex, because some people frown upon it. Just those two "laws" have created major issues within our country, and for what? For the social security aided folk to sleep well? Well that is costing our country peace, therefore making us miserable. We are a miserable country full of clones. We're pathetic, and we need to do something about it, because I refuse to become yet another in a crowd of suits.

Fuck.

I'm in such trouble.

Update.

I'm not sure how many people read a recent post (By recent I mean Sept/Oct) about this guy that I am head over heels for. Well he and Josie broke up quite a while ago, and ever since he has become able to walk again, and things between us are starting to heat up, once again. But now everything is immensely more complicated.

He is starting back into his army training, and has been told that he is leaving for Aghan on Christmas 2010, which is absolutely horrible. And now we're having the issues of whether or not we should get back together, because we would only be with eachother until he leaves for basic training July 6 2010. After, he will be returning for two short months, then off he goes.

So the dilemma now is get back together and risk ticking off Josie (betraying her, I suppose, which is stupid because I had him first, I don't care how immature that sounds)and her sister, but us being happy together once again (because right now we're basically friends with benefits, which I'm not so fond of but I can't really help it because when we're alone we treat eachother like significant others, just as we always have, if you catch my drift),and if we don't get back together I will always have this persistent ringing in my head, just as I do now, telling me to just throw myself at him and beg to get back together-yeah, I'm pathetic-and my whole world would be turned upside down.

Fuck, life loves to just completely screw everyone over.

The response to a red moon.

One day, someone created the concept of time. But who has the authority to say what is what? Somebody made a sundial, and BOOM, we have a 24 hour day. Noone can just determine what time is. So a lapse of sunlight is now automatically 2000 calories? Honestly, to me there is no concept of time. No years, no days, no weeks, no hours. That is only how we make our lives routine. At 7:45 I do this. At 11:15 I do this. What if Something happened to where a fortnight now became a single day, we would all be incredibly lost. Now the timespan of our daily activities would be longer. Our sleeping arrangements would be completely thrown off. We would not be able to funtion anymore.

It's the stars that determine what time is. It's the moon. But the appearance of either does not give us authority to state that it's a bloody day. There are no days, just the sun and the moon. And when it gets dark during sunlight, do we call it another day when it clears up? Or is it the same day, just a confused day. The cosmos don't get confused, we do. We think we are superior, that we can control everything. We think we can determine the fate of our planet.

In reality, our ancestors were far more intelligent, because they were simple. They did not have the scientific nonsense we have today. They went by the stars, not trying to alter the world in any way. Now we can't hit the every popular undo button. We cannot put the Earth back to its original form. Now that it's nroken upon into different time frames, into discrimination.

Congratulations humanity, we've doomed us all.

An outlook.

There are phenomenons going on around us all day, everyday, and nobody notices them. People say that if they don't travel before they die, then they are missing out on a big part of life: Leaning tower of Pisa, the Great Wall of China, the seas in Greece, etc. Well, if you go see those, then great for you. But you don't live there. You cannot truly appreciate the beauty of things there until you've actually lived there long enough to inhale the atmosphere there in its entirety. But if you actually take the time out of your busy, routine life, and just make with the phrase "stop and smell the roses", then you may actually learn that anywhere can be beautiful if you just look at it, stop and look at it. A little weed pushing itself through the cracks of bussling streets, that's new life, trying to make its way into the world. The artificial tumbleweed, a trash bag going along the street, carrying on in a gentle breeze. Leaves falling on the ground, their colors creating a painting on an otherwise bland concrete sidewalk. Just everyday things we don't notice, they make our world amazing to live in. We may actually enjoy life a little more if we could all mellow out and take some time to look at everything. That's how we don't miss out, we take nothing for granted, we enjoy every little aspect possible.

Yesterday I watched The 4th Kind, a movie based on real-life videos of alien abduction. It was the craziest shit I have ever watched in my life, and, though I probably won't watch it ever again, it made me think. In the movie, the Sumerian language is that spoken by the "intruders" (the aliens, so to speak) and it is also the first kanguage ever to have been spoken on earth, coming before Latin, Greek, even Hyroglyphics. This can be tied to the Mayans, one of the first known civilizations, who predicted the end of the calendar on December 21st 2012. If the "Aliens" spoke Sumerian (caught on audio tape) and the first humans spoke Sumerian, now a dead language, then who's to say that the first humans weren't taught this by another force? Something ridiculously more advanced than us? Now, I was a skeptic about all of this until I saw this movie yesterday, but I can actually believe that there is something out there now, holding us like puppets. What if in 2012, they cut the cord? If that is what is going to happen, not a resurrection, or sunspots, or natural disasters, but we are literally destroyed by other beings, an all out war, resulting in our demise.

Though I may be wrong, and maybe so are the philosophers, scientists, priests, astrologists, maybe we are crazy and the world will be fine on the dawn of December 22nd 2012, and we will all wake up and live our routinely lives, we are still just wasting our time on Earth. We are doing things we don't want to do, and being who we don't want to be. We are stressing over bills, and we are marrying people we don't like, spending our lives on everyone else. There is no point in us being here. No point in the next generation or the generation after that, we are all going to die anyway, so why don't we live out our lives? Why don't we go out into the world and enjoy it? Why isn't there anarchy, instead of the government keeping us locked in a cage with a sleeping bear? Why are people paying for gas in their cars that are dying, when they could be walking, running, enjoying the world, before we or something else destroy it. It's because we are a stupid naiive, oblivious people. We have no common sense, we just do what the government tells us to do, we obey them, and then we have that drilled into our heads, that that's how we are supposed to live, then we die, and we're completely worthless. Accept it or not, we are all worthless. Has anybody found the meaning of life? I don't think there is one, except to just live it, and that's what I am planning to do. If I could quit school right now I would, just to give myself more time.

And I am wasting time on here.

Fuck it.

I really hate this country, and hate is most definitely a strong word. I am so fucking tired of the government thinking they're hot shit and keeping everything from us when they are obligated to tell us shit that goes on here. And when they do decide to tell us something, it is almost always a fucking lie. Today I learned that the recession is supposedly over, but what the fuck are we going to do now? We the people have to clean up all the bullshit that the government has left all over us.

Our unemplyment rate has skyrocketed, which means that those without jobs are screwed, those who work for government funded businesses are screwed,and those who pay taxes are screwed, because they have to pay for the 30 million people on welfare, who are already screwed and put over a fire to roast.

When I explain this to people, they always say to me "Well at least you don't live in a third world country where you have to gather your own food and boil your water and live in a little hut". Well, you know, I would actually prefer to live in that community. A society where everyone respects one another, where everyone knows what is going on, where they actually make choices based on what the people establish. Here, the government makes our choices for us, ignoring what we think or say or believe, and then who gets the consequences of their stupid, selfish actions thrown on them? We do! Our educational system is fucked up, because they took it over. Our banks are fucking up, because they took them over. Our housing market is fucked up, because they took it over. Hell, we don't even have free speech anymore, because they tap into our e-mails, our phones, virtually anything with a network and they listen to us. They listen to every fucking word we say, and if we take one step out of line, we are either interrogated to no end, or we are thrown into federal prison. We are living under a fucking dicatorship, and most of us are sadly oblivious to it, and though ignorance may be bliss, getting screwed from the behind is really fucking unpleasant.

So I say drink to corruption because they tell us it's wrong to get wasted, smoke and get high to corruption because they tell us it's wrong to do drugs, literally paint the town vivid because they tell us it's wrong to think for ourselves and be creative, fuck because they tell us it's wrong to have fun, and don't conform to any of their bullshit because they tell us it's wrong to color outside of the lines.

I dedicate this rant to......

Rant:
Here's something I hear quite often "I'm not going to be your friend if you smoke pot........it's just stupid.....you're going to get hurt....... you're going to die...... ew that's gross..... we shouldn't legalize that shit." Or more recently "Were you serious about smoking pot?.....Oh I don't want to be with you then" You cannot, cannot judge a person on whether or not they smoke pot. It's just incredibly ignorant. How can you find that you are in love with a person, and then compltely shun them from your life when you discover they do pot? Setting limits I understand, but total disposal? That's incredibly unreasonable. Sure the two don't share the same beliefs, but noone is entirely pure, and when one minor flaw can trash something someone thought was so strong, then that something obviously meant nothing at all.

If you didn't figure it out yet-well you need to stop skipping lines and read the whole damn thing and stop being lazy-this recently happened to me, by recently I mean yesterday. This guy has had a thing for me for nearly four years, and then on Monday I told him that I smoke, and at first he accepted it, him being straight-edge, and then out of the blue he says he doesn't like me anymore because of weed. My reaction :"What the fucking hell?". From now on, I'm not going to voluntarily let anyone into my life that doesn't like, or at least tolerate, my beliefs and what I do, it just either causes them to try to convert me, or to hate me, both are shit and perfect displays of ignorance. Preferably, I'd like to be surrounded by people who actually support my lifestyle choices, not trying to change them or me.

That was a really poorly worded rant, not meeting my usual standards, but who gives a flying fuck?

The moral of this mini-lecture is to never let anyone change you, and if they leave you because of something you do or some way you are, don't give it a second thought.

I know you don't care, but.....

I feel like spilling these overwhelming feelings out somewhere, so congratulations, blogspot, you get the dumpage.

There is this guy (I know it sounds cliche, but bear with me) and he has completely stolen my heart. From 3/26/07, I knew I wanted to be with him for forever. Two 1/2 years we were on and off, and during those years so many wonderful and horrible things happened, we have such a vivid past. Everything from getting lost in La Jolla together, to sharing a first kiss, to fighting over a skateboard, to cuddling on my trampoline, to exploring the underground beauty of the town, to planning getting married and moving to Japan. Through our separations from eachother (Separating for various reasons), we dated so many different people, none of which suited us as well as eachother did.

And only two short months ago, this all came gradually crashing down.

Soon after we had met, he had told me about his father being in the army, and how he hopedto be on the medical team for the army, and I was very okay with it, being how long away it was, and that nothing was set in stone. At the the beginning of this summer, he announced that he joined the army and was leaving for basic training in July of next year, directly following his graduation from high school. Because of his freshly-packed schedule, we didn't se eachother a lot anymore, which I was completely oblivious to until he had pointed it out, because whenever we saw eachother, I lost time, and whenever we didn't, it seemed like forever to me. Not seeing eachother became and issue, and we broke up a week after the new school year started, and we expected it to be like any other "break" we had, brief and nearly-non-painful. We spent his birthday together with a few friends, and then things got confusing. Neither of us could make up our minds if we wanted to be together for the duration of his crazy schedule, but we feared that there would be no time if we waited for him to get it fixed. So we made the promise to end up together no matter what happens, and we went our ways to go see other people.

2 weeks ago he got hit by a van while he was skateboarding to school. He broke both of his legs, 2 ribs, fractured his foot, bruised his lung, dislocated his shoulder, and lost some memory. Twice I visted him in the hospital, and he couldn't remember either time. When he went home, though, he got a little better, and now can move around and is fully conscious. He said he's not the same person as he was before, but I think he is just as amazing, but the problem now is the horrible dating-other-people rule. He is dating this girl named Josie, and she and I are good friends, so I am okay with that, because I can always know what is going on. But when I saw him two days ago, I realized how much I missed having him in my life, having him as my boyfriend, and I realized how much I love him. I don't know how much he feels for me, or for Josie, but out of selfish reasons, I want him back so much. And out of unselfish reasons, I won't interfere with anything he and his girlfriend are planning, or their relationship alltogether.


Anyways, if you read all the way through, you're pretty great.
If you have any advice, you're even greater.

Well Hey There!

My name is RachelNicole (or Rapechul), and I enjoy living. I suppose I should explain my Blogname, Contagious Daydream. I like to believe that when one person has a dream or idea, they can inspire others to think outside the box as well, and create more dreamers in the world. This is all I really have to write right now, I know I am lame : )